Folks were so excited about the silly post I did re: Spotify Wrapped that I decided to flesh it out, especially as I’m struggling with a more angsty piece. Realizing now that y’all don’t care about my complicated emotions - you just wanna hear about dicks and tits and holes and fucking in the back of a movie theater. Ok. Shrugs. Here are some penis Haikus.
I’ll share a bit about my extramarital partners this year - there were only 2 IRL; I make it sound like I get a lot more play than I do. Playing is definitely a fun part of being in an open relationship, but I am more attached to the connections that happen around it.
Penis Haiku 1: Tied down and penetrated by Daddy.
Daddy issues strong
Now I realize how strong.
I cried on your dick.
I’ve got a whole thing coming about BDSM, mang, but it’s no secret that folks who practice BDSM tend to be happier than their non-kink counterparts. I didn’t realize how deep my submissive babygirl tendencies went until I met some wonderful, warm, caring, (yet strict) daddies. After a challenging year re: the health and wellbeing of my loved ones (as well as my own), I needed some extra support and caregiving, and a good Daddy can really deliver.
Penis Haiku 2: Friends with Benefits.
Glad to reconnect!
Enjoyed the tacos too, but
Next time eat post sex.
I reconnected this year with an old lover, a one-night-stander who was tied to the roller derby community back in the day. He has gray hair now and my frown lines are frownier, so it was a bit of a Rumplestiltskin fuck: less like a fairytale and more in the way that our joints crack from advanced age. We hung out before I had my knee surgery*, meaning my knee often cracked in his ear. Sorry about that.
Penis Haiku 3: Monog-Minded Man*
My boobs made you hard.
I didn’t get to see, though.
Monog-minded man.
Met a very handsome man in LA that enjoyed my boobs but was not down with the non-monog. I pulled him in with my nipple sweater, lost him with my giant needy poly heart. God he had amazing hair.
Penis Haiku 4: Nudes from a Gen Z Ex.
Thanks for sending nudes.
Glad to see your -health- is strong.
Please send more, I'm sad.
Sometimes an errant penis (FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS CONSENT TO SEND IT) can really boost your seasonal affective disorder. A man I dated on and off from 2015 to 2020 continues to send me well-lit full length nudes, which are fucking art, unlike a disembodied dick in callused hand with mugshot lighting.
*Somebody write “Monog-Minded Man” as a country-pop song please.
